Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
