it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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