Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
