the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
