I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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