Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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