I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
