Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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