i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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