I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
