Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
