I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
3 2 1 whiskey
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
