and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
