I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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