she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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