yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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