perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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