The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
