i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
