We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and she was petting her beer can
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So apparently I’m into choking now
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