I wanna bring you to show and tell
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
