How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
