I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
