i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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