my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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