I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
