Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
