the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
