O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
