I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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