Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
