She is in my trunk
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
