UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
