I think i peed on brittanys purse
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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