I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
