He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
