how can u be prego again
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
