I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's blow job season.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
