Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
