I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
