sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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