I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
