break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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