so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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