apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
