just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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