I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
