Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
