Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
