I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
